The man on the moon, I'll see him soon. He can hear the Earth shout loud, The Earth is really proud. The man on the moon, I'll see him soon. His is rocket is as pitch black as the sky at night, And for him it is in sight. The man on the moon, I'll see him soon. He is a giant marshmallow floating in space, Soon he will be involved in a race. The man on the moon, I'll see him soon, He would leave space behind, Because he is so kind.
Diya, I like the way you have used rhyming couplets. I like the way you have sticked to the topic of space. Maybe use more figurative next time to improve your work Great work Diya
Wow that is really good, Diya! *= Your use of metaphors are really good! *= Good use of rhyming words! /*= I don't know what you mean by: He would leave space behind, Because he is so kind.
STAR: I really like the way the words are rhyming. STAR: I really like the way that you give an effect with the repeating words. WISH: Maybe you could use more simile's
I can see the moon glow as white as snow. There was an astronaut who thought: he could get to the moon quite soon. In his pocket he had a socket to launch a rocket. He looked quick at his spaceship. Should he take the dog or the frog? At take-off he had a cough. He began to scuttle into his space shuttle. And then it was just he and gravity.
THE DOG WHO WENT TO SPACE There once was a dog called Laika . Laika was a clever little fellow who's life's goal for him was to go up into space A dog in space I know what thinking what a dog in space it won't survive . Laika's owner also wanted Laikia to go to space because he had found out from his friend that Russian's are now thinking of animals to go to space instead of spending money on the space buggies. Laika had to do special training so that he didn't miss his owner and he didn't do dodo or number1 they also had to get a special suit made for him and special dog biscuit's , his owner as you could imagine was really excited as him and his dog were very excited off Laika went into space. BUT SADLY HE DIND'T COME BACK WE THINK HE DIED UP THERE . That's my poem what's yours ?
*I love the information *I love the question at the end ^ Maybe have more figurative language but make sure to CHECK YOUR SPELLINGS, PUNCTUATION AND CAPITAL LETTERS!
I look up from Earth and try to see, The planets looking all at me, The gleaming distance of the stars, And I try to search Neptune, Venus and Mars, I looked for the telescope all my best, And tried spotting Mercury and the rest.
STAR: I really like the word 'gleaming' as it gives a really good effect. STAR: Really good use of rhyming. WISH: Maybe you could make the poem a bit longer as I would really enjoy it!
Rockets flying out in space, Rockets flying every place, Rockets from Earth to Venus and Mars, to silver moons and shining stars. Rockets to galaxies far away, I think I'll build a rocket some day. I'll fuel it first, I'll fly it away. I'll land in time for Christmas day. On Pluto, Neptune, Saturn or Mars. On a silver moon, Or a shining star.
very good I am agreed with your poem because it is more chronological and I think its more time related like the part were it says: ill feul it first Ill fly it away ill land in time very good
this poem is Neil Armstrong's point of view. This was one of the most amazing thing that has happened in history . I was on the moon I was the HAPPIEST person alive . it was a mystery how I got there I don't know. I missed my family a lot but this isn't the same in on the moon up in space. I picked up the moon dust it crumbled I was going to say my words should I mumble I am going to say it here we go: "ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN ,ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MAN KIND."
* I think you have described neil amrstrong really well. * I think the part when you put I was going to say my words should I mumble I am going to say it here we go is really funny. *# try and put some more information in to your poem.
There once was a man on the moon, his rocket was launched at noon. Soon he was on a flight, but then his world was put in a plight. The rocket could blow up so he was scared, however, then he remembered that his rocket had been repaired!
Asteroids in the asteroid belt Will it freeze or will it melt ? The asteroid will go by Tell everyone but don't lie.
A rocket will fly up through space And say ,"HELLO WORLD" with lots of grace. But oh no there is an asteroid belt The rocket will use so my heat I hope it doesn't melt!
The rocket will land saying ,"I have an asteroid But not in my hand in my mind and it's not destroyed."
Together on a space ship built on dreams, A dog and an astronaut travel through, amazing galaxies, planets and meteors, Finally they descend then land on the moon.
They stare at the view and don't move their eyes, The astronaut laughs and the dog woofs back, And then....Suddenly they jump in surprise, Out comes an alien, stout, plump and fat.
Terrified and horrified they run to their shuttle, Leave the moon, immediately and straight away, Quickly fasten their belts in a muddle, Back to Earth they make their way.
In the morning the man awakes, Everything was different to him may it seem, The dog in his basket fast asleep, But then in the end, it was just a dream.
"Have you heard about the man who just stepped on the moon!" "Of course,the news arrived very soon." I have seen him on the news, He was wearing very weird shoes. He planted the flag at half past two After he has a thorough check threw. He will be returning tomorrow He might be feeling a little bit sorrow Although,we don't know!
The man on the moon:
ReplyDeleteThe man on the moon,
I'll see him soon.
He can hear the Earth shout loud,
The Earth is really proud.
The man on the moon,
I'll see him soon.
His is rocket is as pitch black as the sky at night,
And for him it is in sight.
The man on the moon,
I'll see him soon.
He is a giant marshmallow floating in space,
Soon he will be involved in a race.
The man on the moon,
I'll see him soon,
He would leave space behind,
Because he is so kind.
Diya, I like the way you have used rhyming couplets.
DeleteI like the way you have sticked to the topic of space.
Maybe use more figurative next time to improve your work
Great work Diya
* You have used your punctuation correctly
Delete* I like how you have used anaphora
! Instead of using the same rhyming words you could use different words
You have used lots of personification in your poem
Delete'He can hear the Earth shout loud,'
Star I like your rhyming
DeleteStar you have used good personification
Wish more breaks
Star: I really like the rhyming of your poem.
DeleteStar: I really like the funny bit that says he is like a marshmallow.
WISH: Maybe to add more metaphors.
Wow that is really good, Diya!
Delete*= Your use of metaphors are really good!
*= Good use of rhyming words!
/*= I don't know what you mean by: He would leave space behind,
Because he is so kind.
STAR: I really like the way the words are rhyming.
DeleteSTAR: I really like the way that you give an effect with the repeating words.
WISH: Maybe you could use more simile's
MY POEM:
ReplyDeleteI can see the moon glow
as white as snow.
There was an astronaut
who thought:
he could get to the moon quite soon.
In his pocket he had a socket
to launch a rocket.
He looked quick
at his spaceship.
Should he take the dog or the frog?
At take-off
he had a cough.
He began to scuttle
into his space shuttle.
And then it was just he and gravity.
*I love the rhyming
Delete*I love the describing
^ Maybe work on adding more figurative language
Apart from that, well done and keep up the good work!
*Good use of couplets!
Delete*Includes humour!
!Use capital letters for new lines!
THE DOG WHO WENT TO SPACE
ReplyDeleteThere once was a dog called Laika .
Laika was a clever little fellow who's life's goal for him was to go up into space
A dog in space I know what thinking what a dog in space it won't survive . Laika's owner also wanted Laikia to go to space because he had found out from his friend that Russian's are now thinking of animals to go to space instead of spending money on the space buggies. Laika had to do special training so that he didn't miss his owner and he didn't do dodo or number1 they also had to get a special suit made for him and special dog biscuit's , his owner as you could imagine was really excited as him and his dog were very excited off Laika went into space. BUT SADLY HE DIND'T COME BACK WE THINK HE DIED UP THERE . That's my poem what's yours ?
very good poem this is like a story in a poem!
Delete*I love the information
Delete*I love the question at the end
^ Maybe have more figurative language but make sure to CHECK YOUR SPELLINGS, PUNCTUATION AND CAPITAL LETTERS!
Good work!
I look up from Earth and try to see,
ReplyDeleteThe planets looking all at me,
The gleaming distance of the stars,
And I try to search Neptune, Venus and Mars,
I looked for the telescope all my best,
And tried spotting Mercury and the rest.
and you, iasmina I think your poem adds onto the solar system am I right?
Deletewell done
I love it
Deletestar: Its cool for the reader.
wish: make it longer.
Star: You used good rhyming!
DeleteStar: You used capital letters and full stops!
Wish: You could make the next poem a bit longer!
STAR: I really like the word 'gleaming' as it gives a really good effect.
DeleteSTAR: Really good use of rhyming.
WISH: Maybe you could make the poem a bit longer as I would really enjoy it!
Rockets
ReplyDeleteRockets flying out in space,
Rockets flying every place,
Rockets from Earth
to Venus and Mars,
to silver moons and shining stars.
Rockets to galaxies far away,
I think I'll build a rocket some day.
I'll fuel it first,
I'll fly it away.
I'll land in time
for Christmas day.
On Pluto, Neptune,
Saturn or Mars.
On a silver moon,
Or a shining star.
very good I am agreed with your poem because it is more chronological and I think its more time related like the part were it says: ill feul it first
DeleteIll fly it away ill land in time very good
Its such a good one.
Deletestar: rhymes and is very long.
wish: Maybe you should say what he is doing if there is a some one in space in yours.
this poem is Neil Armstrong's point of view.
ReplyDeleteThis was one of the most amazing thing that has happened in history .
I was on the moon I was the HAPPIEST person alive . it was a mystery
how I got there I don't know.
I missed my family a lot but this isn't the same in on the moon up in space.
I picked up the moon dust it crumbled
I was going to say my words should I mumble I am going to say it here we go:
"ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN ,ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MAN KIND."
* I think you have described neil amrstrong really well.
Delete* I think the part when you put I was going to say my words should I mumble I am going to say it here we go is really funny.
*# try and put some more information in to your poem.
There once was a man on the moon,
ReplyDeletehis rocket was launched at noon.
Soon he was on a flight,
but then his world was put in a plight.
The rocket could blow up so he was scared,
however, then he remembered that his rocket had been repaired!
You have done really good rhyming and have shown the feelings of the astronaut going to the moon.
Deletestar: your rhyming is very good
Deletestar: you have used a good set of connectives EG: However
wish: you could use personification in your next poem.
star: you made it rhyme.
Deletestar: you have used of punctuation.
wish: try and make it longer.
A man landed on moon,
ReplyDeleteIt arrived very soon.
The man was very scared,
But soon became prepared.
The man flew back to home,
But randomly landed in Rome.
That is so cool .
Deletestar: It includes what that person is doing and how he felt its good.
wish: Try to make it have more information.
You have used lots of ryming and you have used lots of detail you could have used more onamatipia.
DeleteThank you Maiya and Wali for giving me advise.
DeleteASTEROIDS
ReplyDeleteAsteroids in the asteroid belt
Will it freeze or will it melt ?
The asteroid will go by
Tell everyone but don't lie.
A rocket will fly up through space
And say ,"HELLO WORLD" with lots of grace.
But oh no there is an asteroid belt
The rocket will use so my heat I hope it doesn't melt!
The rocket will land saying ,"I have an asteroid
But not in my hand in my mind and it's not destroyed."
Nick you have done really well because you have used lots of rhyming and facts in your poem!
DeleteStar=Good rhyming!
DeleteStar=Good use of speech!
Wish=Try adding some more words that rhyme instead of just having the same words.
.Great rhyming words and brilliant description!
Delete.Love the metaphors and the personification!
/.I think you need some more adjectives.
I like how you used questions and speech
Deleteyou have used rhyming and alliteration
DeleteThank you for your suggestions people I will use your wishes in my next piece of work!
DeleteADVENTOUROUS ME
ReplyDeleteTogether on a space ship built on dreams,
A dog and an astronaut travel through,
amazing galaxies, planets and meteors,
Finally they descend then land on the moon.
They stare at the view and don't move their eyes,
The astronaut laughs and the dog woofs back,
And then....Suddenly they jump in surprise,
Out comes an alien, stout, plump and fat.
Terrified and horrified they run to their shuttle,
Leave the moon, immediately and straight away,
Quickly fasten their belts in a muddle,
Back to Earth they make their way.
In the morning the man awakes,
Everything was different to him may it seem,
The dog in his basket fast asleep,
But then in the end, it was just a dream.
I really like your poem. It has a very good beat to it. You have put a lot of effort into it. I hope you continue to write more amazing poems!
DeleteYour poem is awesome and has a good beat to it and it rhymes well done
Delete"Have you heard about the man who just stepped on the moon!"
ReplyDelete"Of course,the news arrived very soon."
I have seen him on the news,
He was wearing very weird shoes.
He planted the flag at half past two
After he has a thorough check threw.
He will be returning tomorrow
He might be feeling a little bit sorrow
Although,we don't know!
very good personerfercation and very good ryming
Deletestar: very good rhyming
Deletestar: its funny
wish: add a bit more
Star : It rhymes really nicely
DeleteStar2 : Good use of punctuation
Wish : Make it a bit longer please :c
Star: It rhymed
DeleteStar: You used speech marks correctly
Wish: You could make the poem longer